Seeds: poetry collection

poetry, Writing


Sometimes my brain gets too crowded and my thoughts start pouring

out of my ears.

They land on my shoulders and drip down my skin to embed themselves

along my spine.

A thought pressed under my skin to sit against my vertebrae and to grow

among goosebumps.

Mushrooms crawl up my back nourished by my bone marrow.

Vines crawl over my shoulders to wrap around my ribs.

Thorns stem from my collarbones to make sure no one can get in

to the body garden grown from my thoughts.

The hair on my arms stands on end as it turns into blades of grass.

My fingers sprout dandelions

and forget-me-nots sprout from my toes.

My breasts grow bleeding hearts

and honey drips from my nose.

Bees live here now, and beetles and moths.

They crawl around my stomach lining,

up my throat,

and out my mouth.

My heart slowly turns a tulip bulb and my brain’s a clump of poison ivy.

Ring Around The Bathtub

If you ran your hands down, they would roll along small hills

Bump bump bump bump

The contours of my back bone

Weak, warped, and sharp like knives

Don’t cut yourself on my lethal body

Let the water run down the stretched translucent canvas

Blue lines painted in textured brush strokes

Paint running down the shower drain

Humanity swirling down the shower drain

Clumps of hair clogging the shower drain

Dark spiders plucked out of my skull

Leaving paste white bone showing

Through the hole in my head.

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

Beat up sneakers hit the pavement

In an uneven rhythm matching the beat

Flowing through the earbuds

That no one else can hear

Chilled wind painting a blush

Over her freckled face

Kicking rocks across the street

Sleeves pulled down over her hands

Walking into the corner gas station

Going to the very back of the store

And getting the chocolate coffee in a can

Pulls her debit card out of her pack of camels

She takes a cigarette out at the stop light

Cups her hand around her lighter

To keep it safe from the breeze

She inhales deeply

Nicotine fills her lungs

Cigarette smoke clouds her thoughts

The taste of ash sticky on her tongue

Mentally feeling her body rot

She cracks open the can of coffee

And swallows the sweet syrup

Inhaling the caffeine her body runs on

Ashing her cigarette on the ground

Caffeine and nicotine

Cigarettes and chocolate milk.

Recurring Ache

the knowing,

you’ll never be mine is the hard part.

The absolute sureness that I will never touch your naked back.

Connecting the constellations of freckles along your spine,

The knowledge that I will never hold you

or kiss your tear stained face when you cry.

I’ll never get to see the sun hit your body just right

as your laying next to me with your eyes closed.

Never get to run my fingers through your hair

until it gives me all your secrets.

The ache

that sits in my ribs for you nestled right next to my heart.

House Guest

I hate that my body has learned to accommodate pain

It walks into me and I ask it if it would like a glass of water.

I exhaust myself trying to figure out what it needs

Doing everything I can to keep it from becoming enraged and taking over again


After a full blown facebook investigation

I found your Snapchat and added you.

And you added me back

Your Facebook is depressing

You’re a real sadboi ™

See: that’s an example of the correct use of you’re and your

Which according to Facebook, you don’t understand

But you’re real cute

Even though your teeth are crooked

It’s ok mine have a gap

I want to tell you I’ll be your friend

I want to tell you I think your the most beautiful boy

I want to tell you that it could be worse.

You could be me.

In person I said

“I have annoyingly thick hair but it falls out in clumps from anxiety”

I don’t know why I said it but you said

“Me too”

I want to tell you a lot of things but instead

I just asked if you had to work today.

You haven’t opened my message yet

Satan’s Poster Child

The disgust in your voice when you say the words “cancer stick”

As if you think it can change me.

As if I didn’t already know

The concern in your eyes as you explain the importance of your god

My blank eyes staring back at you

So you can look through and see the hollow soul.

I bet they tried to tell Lucifer how to live too

Your help is judgement

Making me fall farther from your heaven

Satan’s poster child.

Heaving through hell and back

Long black nails curling around your throat

If you tell me one more time

I’m gonna die young

I already fucking know that and I wish it would happen today

So please climb up on your precious pedestal

I’m fine in fire

Sitting on my throne of cigarette cartons and bic lighters

Onyx horns protruding from my skull

Dressed in ash and lingerie

Making you all uncomfortable as I

Cry freely for no goddamn reason.


Update 8.29.2016

Personal, Writing

I know I haven’t posted in 12 million years. Those of you that cared about this blog probably lost interest around the third week of no new posts. But I’m back now, and while I can’t promise consistency, I can promise new content at least once a week.

For those that aren’t aware of the Billings school district’s schedule, school started on the 26th for my boyfriend and my sister. This means when I’m not at work I am left on my own. So fa I have used this valuable time to sleep and Pinterest. I only just got myself out of bed at 12:45 to come to this coffee shop and pick up where I left off with you guys.My current location is in The Annex coffee shop next to the Fieldhouse cafe. This is my first time coming in to this coffee shop and I have to say it is probably the coolest new Billings coffee shop, and they also have really good coffee…so bonus points.

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Picture of my coffee. insta: _veryavery

One of my main reason for not posting in such a long time is that I have not really been doing anything. Most of my summer was spent in my boyfriend Zac’s air conditioned basement watching “Stranger Things” (If you haven’t watched it yet go watch it now.) and eating grape freezes from Dairy Queen. As relaxing as it was it didn’t make for any very interesting stories.

I did go on a few trips this summer. I went to Lake Pend’orielle in Idaho for about a week and although it was overcast almost the whole week, I accomplished a lot of reading and drank a lot of Starbucks.

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One of the few sunny days in Idaho.

I also went to Zac’s aunt’s cabin outside of Big Timber for a few days. We saw a bear right across the river from us, which puts me at three bear sightings. Very Montanan. It was really nice to get out of town especially in the midst of back to school season at the mall.

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Loving the mountain air

I leave on Saturday for Portland, and I promise I will post something! Enjoy the last few dog days of summer and you will hear from me soon.


Coffee Convo

Personal, Writing

My current favorite coffee shop to waste all my time in is moAV, located downtown in my city of Billings. I like it because it’s new and hasn’t really caught on yet, so its still really quiet. All I want in life is to drink a goddamn vanilla latte in peace.

If you were sitting across form me the first thing I would tell you is that I feel VERY pretentious blogging in public. Blogging seems like something that is picked up by every intellectual and creative, to “put themselves out there.” In other words to prove that they deserve attention. I could say I’m doing it ironically but I’m not. I really want your attention. I would also probably comment on the people sitting nearby because one of them is wearing a tutu and her voice is very high pitched and in my opinion disturbing. It’s fine for me to tell you this because you’re not really here and you don’t know her.

My real coffee companion, Maisy, my sister, is drawing a man with a mustache. She started out trying to look at his features out of the corner of her eye but now she is just blatantly staring, she also forgot her glasses so it looks like she is winking at him. When asked about her life, she says she feels bored sometimes. She also says she hates drawing. She is actually really good at drawing.

If you were sitting across from me I would probably tell you a story about work since that is what basically consumes my life, or maybe a funny story about something my boyfriend said. He is my number one source of entertainment. I would also complain about my new tattoo itching, (see Instagram for picture because I’m to lazy to insert it) but then I would comment on how beautiful it is and has now become my favorite part of my body.

Eventually it would grow dark and it would be time to go home. Maisy and I would hop on our Electra Cruisers and ride back home, through the buildings of downtown and I’m not in love with my life very often but I would say tonight I am.