Why Manifest Is BS

Hello everyone, resident negative attitude here to give you some truth. Having a negative attitude has been one of my defining characteristics for quite a while now. I personally, think I have a fairly realistic attitude and just choose to prepare for disappointment instead of excitement. Either way people comment on how depressing my world view is all the time and I think that’s some BS.

Mostly I hear things about how maybe if I thought positively, I would be happier, or if I have a positive attitude life will go my way. These statements are examples of a little thing called manifestation. The old “if you think it will be, it will be.” Well guess what. It won’t. Do you know how many times I’ve thought, “god I wish I could get hit by a bus right now.” I’ll tell you. It’s a lot. I’ll also tell you that it has never happened because I wanted it to, (I still hold out hope everyday though.) Let me elaborate.

There’s a horrifyingly pretentious website called Medium where a bunch of rich kids publish blog content no one really cares about. It’s kind of like Tumblr, but every user can afford to be vegan, and no one is twelve. When looking for more exact definitions on manifestation for this blog post, I stumbled on a Medium user called Thrive Global, that posted an article titled “9 Principles of Conscious Manifestation.” The article is written by someone who claims to be a life coach (which is very on brand for Medium users) and starts out with a great picture of a child feeding a giant giraffe over the edge of a cliff and the line “How to become great at manifesting your dreams.”

To summarize the article the first 8 principles are just “know what you want in life” but given to you 8 different ways. That’s not a principle people that’s a given. If you set a goal you’re going to probably work towards the goddamn goal. It’s written as if you come up with something you want and then it appears. Except it doesn’t, you just consciously acknowledged what you wanted so now subconsciously or not your working towards that goal.

The 9th principle is “Be As Clear As A Laser beam.” Yep that’s exactly what it says. Essentially she is just telling you that if you focus on one specific thing you want you’ll get it. Except she phrases it like you are going to receive a miracle from the universe.

So back to my bus metaphor: If you subscribe to this specific “manifestation” belief then I think about how badly I want to get hit by a bus, and the universe gives me a bus to get hit by. In actuality I think about how badly I want to get hit by a bus, and my brain now actively works toward finding a bus for me to get hit by. The universe didn’t do jack shit. I set a goal and worked towards it and then obtained the goal. It’s not some new spiritual practice that will give you everything in life it’s just dedication.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to be a super positive thinker to have dedication, you just need to know how to get what you want. If you can think positively great! Congratulations! Personally if I think positively I feel like a faker and then I feel discouraged and then I don’t do what needs to be done. Where as if I think the way my brain naturally thinks, I actively take steps to get less negative results. I’m not condoning negativity but can we stop acting like negative people can’t get things they want in life just because their brain works differently than yours. Whatever your original mindset is you can still take steps towards reaching your goals, and if you don’t have a positive attitude, I promise the universe will not punish you. The universe doesn’t give you what you want in life, you do.

I wholeheartedly believe that if you set goals and work towards them then you can get anything you want, but marketing positive thinking as a way to have things handed to you is some privileged bullshit.

If you want to see that giant giraffe picture: 9 principles of conscious manifestation

And here’s a link to a great video made by my friend, if you are interested in how manifestation really works: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKWsC5l0a_Y&t=44s

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January 2019 TBR

Hello! and welcome back to averyjam.com – your favorite, poorly updated website. I’m back today with a tbr for January. I really want to try to read more books that aren’t for school this year, so without further ado, here are the books I plan to read in January!

1. Killing and Dying – Adrian Tomine: So I have actually already finished this one. I’m starting the year off with some graphic novels and short story collections just so I can gain some momentum before picking up the giant books on my reading list. Graphic novels are some of my favorite books to read and I picked this one up on a whim at the book store a while back (if a book has any shade of light pink on the cover I’m probably going to buy it). It has some heart squeezing, bittersweet story lines, and really nice illustrations. I’m a little sad it took me so little time to get through it.
2. Saga Volume 1 – Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples: Like I said, I love graphic novels and this one has been recommended to me by quite a few trusted sources. The art is gorgeous and I think the story line will be too. It has quite a few installments, so if I like it then it will keep me occupied all year.
3. Fresh Complaint – Jeffrey Eugenides: Eugenides is one of my all time favorite authors, (the author of one of the books that changed my life; Middlesex) so I was thrilled when he released this short story collection back in 2017. I’ve been wanting to get around to it since I bought it. I plan to do a full review of this book once I’ve read it, so stay tuned.
4. Not In Kansas Anymore – Christine Wicker: My mom gave this book to me last Christmas, so I figured it was time I get around to reading it. It’s a nonfiction book about witches and the like so I’m sure I’ll enjoy this one.
5. Deadman Wonderland – Jinsei Kataoka and Kazuma Kondou: This is one of my all time favorite animes and I’ve owned the first book in the series for a little over a year now. Once again this should be a quick read to kick off the year.This tbr is significantly shorter than ones I’ve done in the past, but I’m coming out of a reading slump and I wanted to set a goal that was attainable. I’ll let you know what I get through and what I did or didn’t like at the end of the month!

Old Movie Reviews: The Amityville Horror

Hello everyone! In honor of my favorite holiday Halloween, I decided to give you some special spooky content. Today, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I will be viewing a different old horror movie, that I haven’t seen before every night. Tonight’s feature presentation? The Amityville Horror.

Since this is “old” movie reviews, I obviously selected the 1979 version over the 2005 version. I also selected the older one because I just can’t take Ryan Reynolds seriously. Before we get in to the actual movie, I just want to talk about HOW BEAUTIFUL Margot Kidder is in this movie. No matter what kind of horror is going on around them, female 70’s horror movie characters always look stunning. Seriously though, I spent half of the movie complaining about how there was no way that woman had five teenage children, she looks amazing. James Brolin however, looks like he might be the murderer in an equally campy movie about the house down the street. I mean I guess that is true of most men in the 70’s though…

When it comes to the actual plot, the movie was pretty typical. A+ to the creator for deciding not to put a visual on the demon or the ghost girl because if they had the movie would probably lose all scary quality. I find it incredibly funny that the priest knows the house is possessed 15 minutes in to the film but for some reason it takes another 2 hours for that little tidbit of information to reach the family. Equally amusing is the fact that they don’t even suspect a demon until the last 20 minutes of the movie. I’m going to give you all a piece of advice right now. If your house smells like sulfur, and your kid keeps going on about some ghost child you can’t see, at least look into the history of your house. Oh and always ask your realtor why the giant fancy house is priced so cheap because 9 times out of 10 somebody’s ass probably got murdered there. If half of horror movie characters followed this rule then we would be down to half the amount of horror house movies we have today.

To give Amityville credit where it’s due, it is one of the first of its kind. Although it might seem overused now it definitely wasn’t at the time of its release and the film does have a nice, creepy atmosphere, as well as a good score. Was it scary? no. but it was entertaining and all together pretty spooky. It’s not everyday where you have a door to hell in your basement, and overall it’s refreshing to see that for once everyone survived, even the family dog, who is usually the first to go.

I give The Amityville Horror 3.5/5 spooky pumpkins based on spook factor, cinematic quality, and story quality. The extra half pumpkin is just for Margot Kidder because she is a underrated sweet baby angel.

Check back for tomorrow’s horror movie review! Happy Halloween!

Missoula

March 19th and 20th:

About a month ago I found out that one of my all time favorite musicians, Lady Lamb was coming to play a show in Missoula.

If you don’t know anything about Montana, you should know that the only place popular artists really come to play in Montana is Missoula and occasionally Billings. Very occasionally.

I had to see her perform. I have a painting of her on my wall it would be a waste of an opportunity to not  go. I found a friend (the same friend mentioned a few blog posts ago) and we started planning a road trip.

Biggest problem: I was the only one with a licence and had never driven on a highway before. My ultimate decision was to just wing it and hope that we didn’t get in a crash.

It is truly a miracle that my car didn’t break down. I drive a 1993 Mitsubishi and I was honestly amazed that it could even go 80 mph. The only issue with the car that we really had, was not being able to go above 65 mph on an incline. After about an hour I was comfortable with driving on the highway and we were on our way.

We stopped in Columbus and Rocker for snacks and made it to Missoula in about 5 hours. Driving across Montana is just driving past a bunch of grass and trees and the occasional mountain. Things don’t get that interesting until the Butte pass. [I feel like I should insert a map here for people that don’t know Montana geography.]

This is Montana.

When we got to Missoula I picked an exit at random and happened to end up right by our hotel. We checked into the hotel, got ready for the concert and then we went to dinner at 5 guys.

I’m a vegetarian and why doesn’t every fast food joint have a grilled cheese option!? That is absolute genius. If your vegetarianism is similar to mine than your favorite foods are bread and cheese and FAST FOOD GRILLED CHEESE IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED. Still waiting on those fast food vegan options though I guess.

The elusive fast food grilled cheese.

After that, we headed to the venue, which was a coffee shop and once again was conveniently located right by the hotel. The coffee shop was set up with string lights and blankets and gave off a very cozy vibe. Within an hour the space had filled with around 25 people and the concert began. Lady Lamb was beautiful her voice sounded just like it does on her records which is rare these days and her music was so authentic.

Right before she played her last song she talked to the audience about what her new album “Tender Warriors Club” meant. She talked a lot about what it means to be sensitive during hard times, not only in your personal life but in the world as well. With the current political climate it is often times had to remember to care for the things you stand up for instead of just fighting for the things you’re against.

This last month has been a bumpy one for me. After being in and then back out of a psychiatric unit I am still trying to find a way for my mind to work through it. I think I will write about it at some point, but right now I don’t have the guts. Lady Lamb reminded me that that’s ok. She reminded me that it’s okay to just exist with those feelings. Be brave, be a “tender warrior” and live your life to the fullest even if there is still a bit of a monster inside of you.

I cried at the show. After it was over we went and bought some merch and met her and then we headed back to the hotel. We ate snacks all night and talked about how magnificent the show was and how we felt about our lives currently. The answer was good mostly.

The next morning we unwillingly got out of bed for the five hour drive back to billings. After a stop for breakfast at green source and another stop at a gas station we were on our way.

Green Source Acai Bowl

The trip was one of the only ones I’ve been on by myself and I felt so good the entire time. It’s trips like these that ease my mind and the numbness I sometimes build in myself to keep me safe.

Maddy Evenson

In the home/tiny apartment of my boyfriend’s 19 year old sister:

Maddy: like how long ago did you paint them?

Me: Like I just painted them

Maddy: God

Me: I had to have my dad get my keys out for me because I just…

Maddy: Oh Jesus god

Me: Ok, so start with your name and what you’re doing with your life.

Maddy: My name is Maddy Evenson and I go to school full time with a tiny job on the side

Me: Where do you go to school?

Maddy: MSUB

Me: What are you majoring in?

Maddy: Psychology.

Me: What’s your age and how do you feel about it?

Maddy: I’m 19, I’ll be 20 in September, and I feel very worried about turning 20 because in your twenties you’re supposed to get married and have kids and buy a house and I don’t know when I’m going to be done with all my school so that kind of worries me.

Me: You have an apartment so you’re like halfway there.

Maddy: Yea halfway there.

Me: What was your biggest challenge of becoming an adult.

Maddy: Um I’m really close to my mom so probably being away from her. I do get homesick even though I’m only a block away. That and managing money. I’m pretty good at it but when you live on your own you actually have to buy food and like kleenex which is stuff you don’t really think about when you live with your parents.

Me: That sounds terrible. Do you manage your boyfriends finances too?

Maddy: Yea, Chance isn’t very good at it, but I’m not one to talk I just bought a purse online and it was not cheap but it’s a collectors item.

Me: oooo. ok this is a very broad question, what is the biggest realization you’ve ever had?

Maddy: I guess in general, in life,  that I’ll probably be ok. As long as I stay with Chance and stick to my plan, my life will be ok.

Me: good realization. Now a much less serious question. What’s your favorite movie and why?

Maddy: I always say Easy A which is totally not my favorite movie now but I’ve put it down on so many things. I think she is so funny and I think the whole “I’m a whore” thing in highschool is so funny.

Me: Yea it’s the only movie that had anything to do with the scarlet letter, that was good.

Maddy: I need to read that book

Me: It’s terrible. I hated it.

Maddy: Yea it should be terrible, it’s a stupid thing to write about.

Me: What are some of your inspirations and why?

Maddy: well I would say something that inspires me currently is that if I work hard, I get good grades, and I do well then I will get a career that I enjoy. What you want to do is a big thing in adult hood too because you think about what you want to do and some people don’t know so it’s something you figure out.

Me: What is the best part about adulthood?

Maddy: the best part is that I don’t have to deal with family which sounds bad but i come home from work and instead of being quiet I can just do whatever.

Me: What is the worst part?

Maddy: The money part… I really shouldn’t have gotten that bag.

Me: What is one piece of of adult advice you have?

Maddy: Well if you and Zac go into the adulthood thing together, which I hope you do, just be nice to each other and be honest. I feel like it’s easier to do stuff in life if you have someone to do it with. Just be good to the person you spend your life with.

Coffee Convo

My current favorite coffee shop to waste all my time in is moAV, located downtown in my city of Billings. I like it because it’s new and hasn’t really caught on yet, so its still really quiet. All I want in life is to drink a goddamn vanilla latte in peace.

If you were sitting across form me the first thing I would tell you is that I feel VERY pretentious blogging in public. Blogging seems like something that is picked up by every intellectual and creative, to “put themselves out there.” In other words to prove that they deserve attention. I could say I’m doing it ironically but I’m not. I really want your attention. I would also probably comment on the people sitting nearby because one of them is wearing a tutu and her voice is very high pitched and in my opinion disturbing. It’s fine for me to tell you this because you’re not really here and you don’t know her.

My real coffee companion, Maisy, my sister, is drawing a man with a mustache. She started out trying to look at his features out of the corner of her eye but now she is just blatantly staring, she also forgot her glasses so it looks like she is winking at him. When asked about her life, she says she feels bored sometimes. She also says she hates drawing. She is actually really good at drawing.

If you were sitting across from me I would probably tell you a story about work since that is what basically consumes my life, or maybe a funny story about something my boyfriend said. He is my number one source of entertainment. I would also complain about my new tattoo itching, (see Instagram for picture because I’m to lazy to insert it) but then I would comment on how beautiful it is and has now become my favorite part of my body.

Eventually it would grow dark and it would be time to go home. Maisy and I would hop on our Electra Cruisers and ride back home, through the buildings of downtown and I’m not in love with my life very often but I would say tonight I am.