These pills are getting hard to swallow.

Personal, poetry, Writing

A poetry collection by: Avery Jam

 

How To Be Better

I am constantly saving myself.

Pulling myself up from the sad things that put me down.

 

Hardly anyone notices and hardly anyone cares

but I keep doing it so I don’t drown.

 

I fight so hard for myself.

I fight so hard against people who lie,

 

or say I’m hormonal,

 

or say it’s natural

 

or say I need to take vitamins.

 

The pain I feel is not normal. This can’t be normal.

Because if this is normal then I don’t want to fight anymore.

 

So I will rage against anyone who tells me otherwise.

 

Disturbed Sleep

I keep having nightmares about you.

 

Ones where we get back together.

 

In the dream I let you hurt me just to feel less alone.

Like I did before

I left.

 

I relive that year and a half every night and every morning

I wake up with a new memory of something

that you once did to me.

 

The only thing worse than the nightmares

is just how stupid I was to fall, for any of it at all.

 

Good

Apparently personal

Not supposed to talk about it

Bringing everyone down

Am i making you uncomfortable

Good.

Being sad all the time makes me uncomfortable too.

Sorry I’ll keep my pain to myself

 

His Bird

When I left you,

i thought I could walk out

of the cage

 

But when I look around me

i see

steel bars with a lock and no key

 

In the anger

i haven’t felt

for so long

 

In the smoke

of my memories that you lit on fire

until I forgot

 

In the stab of guilt

i feel

for things I never did

 

I walk in circles

untangling the rope of lies

that you tied me up with

 

Your precious rare bird

wings clipped so she can’t fly

always stuck

 

Fucking Asshole

Fuck you.

I was always sad.

Now I’m just sad

And angry.

 

Vanilla Flavored Vodka

It burns

It stings

It warms

It aches

It helps

It calms

But I can’t stop remembering

That I’m supposed to forget you

My mouth overwhelmed

By the taste of vanilla flavored vodka

One thought on “These pills are getting hard to swallow.

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